Skip to main content

Questioning Thoughts


A client of mine who is trying to decide if it's time to leave her husband or not brought up some ways she
believes her husband was trying to control her and make it so that she couldn't leave even if she wanted
to. I sent her this message with my thoughts about this:

"My main thought for you about that scenario is if you decide to leave nothing will stop you, not money,
not your husband, not the timing. This thought/belief is available to you.  Right now you are choosing to
think things like "If I'm only working 2 hours a day I won't be able to leave because I won't have
enough money." I know that if you decide to leave you'll do whatever it takes to make it happen and take
care of yourself and the kids.


Try replacing some of your current thoughts with "I wonder why..." like:

"I wonder why he doesn't feel like he is responsible" or
"I wonder why he feels like he needs to say these things to me" or
"I wonder why he wants me to work less." 

Those thoughts will hopefully take you to curious instead of where you currently are. You could also try
on thoughts like:

"I don't know why he isn't taking responsibility for these things, but I know it's not my responsibility and I
feel good about who I'm showing up as" or
"When he says things like that I used to get hurt, but now I know they mean something about him and not
me. His words can't hurt me."  or
"I'm worried he is trying to control me by getting me to work less, but I know that I control me and if I
decide to leave that I'll do whatever it takes to take care of myself and my kids."

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

Ready to take control of your life?

In the beginning of 2018 I was feeling totally overwhelmed with my life. I was preparing for my husband to deploy and worrying about the fact that I would soon be running our circus by myself for a year. I felt out of control and like I had no choices over what was happening to me in my life. That was when I discovered life coaching and Jody Moore ( www.BoldNewMom.com ). I soon learned how powerful my mind was and how by using Brooke Castillo’s self coaching model I was quickly able to take control of my life and stop feeling like my life was just happening to me and I was responding. The amazing thing was that nothing in my life changed, but everything felt different and better. The power of the self coaching model is understanding the difference between your circumstances and your thoughts. We can spend a lot of time wishing our circumstances were different, when for the most part changing your circumstances isn’t possible. When it is possible, it usually isn’t the best so

Shoulds and Shouldn'ts

One way you can start to play around with your thoughts is take a look at what your brain is saying SHOULD or SHOULDN'T happen and flip it and see what your brain can come up with.  I'll give you an example: The dog didn't get walked today and when he doesn't get walked he has tons of energy and barks a lot, chews things, and digs in the yard. You may be thinking thoughts like: "My husband should walk the dog." "The dog shouldn't chew on dirty diapers." "The dog shouldn't be so loud." "I shouldn't have to deal with this." Then later when you're pondering the situation and these thoughts, flip it around on your brain and try thinking: "In what way should the dog chew on dirty diapers?" (possible answers: "When dogs are restless and have access to dirty diapers they chew on them.") "In what way shouldn't my husband walk the dog?" (possible answers: "H

Sign Up For Resiliency Training!

Click HERE to sign up for Resiliency Training! Thank you for your interest in Resiliency Training! If you are ready to work with me as your life coach, make everything about military life better, and make your mental health a priority, then you are in the right place! For only $100/month you get a private coaching session with me via Zoom, themed weekly content via email, and individual support (email coaching throughout the month). I want you to get exactly the help you need for the right price. Because of this I have made this program affordable and very easy to use when needed and desired. You can join at any point, take a break whenever you're ready, and sign up for the number of months that makes sense for whatever you have going on for you. Whether you have an upcoming PCS, your preparing for a deployment, your struggling during deployment, your reintegration after deployment isn't going well, or anything else, getting some extra help at that challenging time