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One Foot Out the Door

If you want to give your marriage a real chance, you can't if you have one foot out the door.  I believe we
get one foot out the door because we believe that our spouse can hurt us with what they do and say.
They can't hurt us, we hurt us with our thoughts.  Please keep in mind that I am not talking about abusive
behavior when I say that. I'm talking about regular challenging behavior and normal human weaknesses.

We are suffering and thinking our marriage is SO bad because of our thoughts, not because of what our
husband is doing.  Even if we could know for sure that he 100% believed we were a bad wife and mom
or whatever the problem is, none of that hurts us. Only our thoughts about that hurt us. 

This is such good news because we have 100% control of your thoughts, but we do not have any control
over our spouse. Because if you believed that he was allowed to think and feel and believe and do
whatever he wants and know that everything he does only means something about him and nothing
about you, then he could NEVER HURT YOU

Truly, our spouse is the circumstance.  If he has to change for you to feel better then you have to either wait for him to change to feel better or try to control him and make him change so that you can feel better.  But he can truly keep behaving exactly as he is now and you can feel better through this work.

Remember that it's ok to change our circumstances, but I recommend changing your circumstances just because you want to and you've decided to, not because you're miserable and want to feel better.  The first is deciding to change your circumstances from your higher brain and the second is deciding to do it from your lower brain.


If you can get your thinking cleaned up about your spouse's ability to hurt you, that is the journey of
putting both feet in in your marriage.  It is hard and it is going to change who you are. You are going to
become a different person. When you become a different person, your relationship will change and we
don't know yet what that will look like.  You will then be completely ready to decide if it's time to stay or go.

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