Skip to main content

One Foot Out the Door

If you want to give your marriage a real chance, you can't if you have one foot out the door.  I believe we
get one foot out the door because we believe that our spouse can hurt us with what they do and say.
They can't hurt us, we hurt us with our thoughts.  Please keep in mind that I am not talking about abusive
behavior when I say that. I'm talking about regular challenging behavior and normal human weaknesses.

We are suffering and thinking our marriage is SO bad because of our thoughts, not because of what our
husband is doing.  Even if we could know for sure that he 100% believed we were a bad wife and mom
or whatever the problem is, none of that hurts us. Only our thoughts about that hurt us. 

This is such good news because we have 100% control of your thoughts, but we do not have any control
over our spouse. Because if you believed that he was allowed to think and feel and believe and do
whatever he wants and know that everything he does only means something about him and nothing
about you, then he could NEVER HURT YOU

Truly, our spouse is the circumstance.  If he has to change for you to feel better then you have to either wait for him to change to feel better or try to control him and make him change so that you can feel better.  But he can truly keep behaving exactly as he is now and you can feel better through this work.

Remember that it's ok to change our circumstances, but I recommend changing your circumstances just because you want to and you've decided to, not because you're miserable and want to feel better.  The first is deciding to change your circumstances from your higher brain and the second is deciding to do it from your lower brain.

If you can get your thinking cleaned up about your spouse's ability to hurt you, that is the journey of
putting both feet in in your marriage.  It is hard and it is going to change who you are. You are going to
become a different person. When you become a different person, your relationship will change and we
don't know yet what that will look like.  You will then be completely ready to decide if it's time to stay or go.


Popular posts from this blog

Ready to take control of your life?

In the beginning of 2018 I was feeling totally overwhelmed with my life. I was preparing for my husband to deploy and worrying about the fact that I would soon be running our circus by myself for a year. I felt out of control and like I had no choices over what was happening to me in my life. That was when I discovered life coaching and Jody Moore ( ). I soon learned how powerful my mind was and how by using Brooke Castillo’s self coaching model I was quickly able to take control of my life and stop feeling like my life was just happening to me and I was responding. The amazing thing was that nothing in my life changed, but everything felt different and better. The power of the self coaching model is understanding the difference between your circumstances and your thoughts. We can spend a lot of time wishing our circumstances were different, when for the most part changing your circumstances isn’t possible. When it is possible, it usually isn’t the best so

Shoulds and Shouldn'ts

One way you can start to play around with your thoughts is take a look at what your brain is saying SHOULD or SHOULDN'T happen and flip it and see what your brain can come up with.  I'll give you an example: The dog didn't get walked today and when he doesn't get walked he has tons of energy and barks a lot, chews things, and digs in the yard. You may be thinking thoughts like: "My husband should walk the dog." "The dog shouldn't chew on dirty diapers." "The dog shouldn't be so loud." "I shouldn't have to deal with this." Then later when you're pondering the situation and these thoughts, flip it around on your brain and try thinking: "In what way should the dog chew on dirty diapers?" (possible answers: "When dogs are restless and have access to dirty diapers they chew on them.") "In what way shouldn't my husband walk the dog?" (possible answers: "H

Sign Up For Resiliency Training!

Click HERE to sign up for Resiliency Training! Thank you for your interest in Resiliency Training! If you are ready to work with me as your life coach, make everything about military life better, and make your mental health a priority, then you are in the right place! For only $100/month you get a private coaching session with me via Zoom, themed weekly content via email, and individual support (email coaching throughout the month). I want you to get exactly the help you need for the right price. Because of this I have made this program affordable and very easy to use when needed and desired. You can join at any point, take a break whenever you're ready, and sign up for the number of months that makes sense for whatever you have going on for you. Whether you have an upcoming PCS, your preparing for a deployment, your struggling during deployment, your reintegration after deployment isn't going well, or anything else, getting some extra help at that challenging time